It has to be impossible for me to be the only one out there who get’s ‘those days’ where everything just decides to pop into your head and make you think negatively about it… Today is totally one of those days. I finished work shift a couple hours ago already and those who have read previous posts know that I’m not a morning person. Well, guess what, the shift they have me on now is from 415am-1245… yeah, i think that sucks too.
That’s probably not helping my mood much. Now before you say ‘go take a nap’, i already did and no it did not help. I guess the problem is mostly doubt. As previously mentioned, I got hired into a federal job. I work for a division of Homeland Security (DHS) and have just finished training at base. Currently, I’m doing MORE training at another location. I’ve been living out of hotels for 7 weeks. I haven’t seen my mom in longer. i miss home. i miss real food. I miss having friends around to talk to and hang out with. In total, it basically sucks.
I just finished dinner and am laying here thinking of everything I wish to sometime do in my life. I don’t intend to stay with DHS the rest of my life but instead move to another agency. But right now, I’m doubting everything. Blame it on hell week or lack of sleep, or whatever; either way it sucks! The idea of me not being able to do a dream job is horrible. Will i be good enough? Would i pass the classes? Could I live 12 hours (drive) away from my parents when even now only after so many weeks i already miss them? What happens if i don’t pass classes? Or if i don’t even get past the initial phases of testing? Should the dream job not work out, i’m not sure what i would do…
Right now, besides being downer on EVERYTHING, i also realllllly want chocolate. Don’t ask me why cause i don’t understand it… Is that worth leaving the hotel room and driving to the store to get? Not like i have anything better to do other than watch Grey’s Anatomy or Madam Secretary….
(P.s.- to those who are upset with the grammar and lack of capitalization, go eat some chocolate!)