Posted in Favorite Things, Just Another Day, Ranting, Work, Workout

Problems I need help solving!

Why is it so easy to get overwhelmed with everything? I mean i know I’m doing it to myself…loading too much on my plate, but still. Today is Monday. In the past week up to today, I’ve been planning out so many things, I can’t even think today. Even this morning when I walked into work, one of my coworkers said “What’s up with you, you’re awfully quiet today!”

Of the list of things I’ve come up with doing:

  1. Donate blood when I get home. (the limit from donation was 5/21)
  2. Pass my final tests to get certified on job (I passed those today!)
  3. Pack on Thursday to go home on Friday.
  4. 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb in September
  5. My vacation with Dee in which we will visit around 5 different states in one week.
  6. Send in my watch to be fixed.
  7. Get my work schedule for when completely done with training.

Now on all of these I have issues that go with them! I suppose that’s what’s so stressful but at the same time, I did it to myself! On 1, It’s a goal in my life to give blood whenever possible. Why not? I’m capable and people need it so yeah! Save a life right? Problem: Where and when to do it when I get back so it won’t interfere with work.

Number 2. So i did pass this morning… Woooouh! But I don’t get my badge till tomorrow morning. Problem: So now I’m stressing (FOR NO GOOD REASON) about being sworn in again… except this time in front of all the coworkers… what if i mess up all the words as he repeats them to me….

Number 3. For some reason, these 8 weeks in the hotels is such a joy i don’t want to leave… boy i wish you guys could hear the sarcasm in my tone right now. Hell no, I cannot wait to go home, even if it’s not home home with my parents. I’m sooooo tired of hotels. You don’t realize how much it actually does suck until you have to live in them with no one else to talk to or nothing to do. Tons of movies repeated and Grey’s Anatomy on repeat… greatttt. Problem: I’m eager to pack now! But also today was told I might not be going home this Friday as they had told me. Now they are realizing they need more hours for different training that starts tomorrow… I could be here another freaking week! KILL ME NOW!

Number 4: I’m so excited for this, i really can’t wait. The Problem is simple on this one: HOW THE HELL DO I GET IN SHAPE FOR 110 FLOORS WORTH OF STAIRS? Anyone… anyone of my fitness followers/readers, ADVICE IS NEEDED AND MORE THAN WELCOME! I have 4 months. Help…

Number 5: PROBLEM: I mean what isn’t stressful about this. Through all the planning of fun, obviously i’m excited but same time, HOLY CRAP. All of you parents who plan vacations for trips with others: PROPS TO YOU! I don’t know how you all stay so calm with everything. Granted, we are going to five different states and flying separately to meet up at our first state, so we knew it wouldn’t be easy. And crap does everything add up for $$$. We’re doing cheap route and it’s still hella expensive! Any advice from travelers to save money?

Number 6: I’ve had this Fitbit Surge for 2 years now. Wear it every single day and monitor everything. The only time I take it off is to shower or swim. It has decided to break. The screws ripped right through the rubber bands and the piece that holds the excess band down has also snapped. I finally got around to putting the claim in for it to be fixed and now have to send it in. I have no box since I’m not home and as soon as I’m home it needs to be sent. Problem: I’m not sure i have a box at home either. I don’t want to get a big box from the store so kinda at a dilemma and trying to save money… UGH

Number 7: So I did actually receive my work schedule today… The hours are fine. I can work afternoon/night. No big deal. I’m a 20s year old that doesn’t mind the weird hours. I mean I am working 4am shift right now… PROBLEM: Boy am I mad and upset at what they gave me for days off. How am I the one who ends up with split days off. Sundays and Tuesdays… what is that about?! None of my current coworkers have heard of that and I get it… it’s to the works needs that need to be filled. And not to mention it’ll likely be changed within a couple months too. Either way, as if I didn’t already not have a life from work, now I can’t even go out or go home to visit since i don’t have 2 days in a row. See you never mom and dad…. UGHHHHHHHHHH

Posted in Just Another Day, Ranting

I do too know stuff about cars!

Why is it that on first impressions, a man is taken seriously when dealing with any specific part of a car and a woman isn’t? It’s frustrating just to watch the different ways we’re treated!

As I said before, I recently got a ‘new’ car, a 2004 Pontiac Grand Prix to be specific. Of course, there are some things and issues with it. The HOD height adjustment is broken so it doesn’t work. The charging plugs/cigarette lighter isn’t working (not that I smoke, but would just like to charge my phone). The sunroof could use some grease so it moves better.

Being that I’m about to move to Wisconsin, I want to have the car in good shape. I’ll be driving all over the place and don’t need to have any issues. So I began to look into the fuse box to find why the plugs wouldn’t work. The manual said to look at row 10 of the fuse box for accessory plugs. Naturally, I went and bought new 10 amp fuses to replace the broken one… except, the original wasn’t broken. So it was back to the drawing board and searching the internet.

My dad had said he would look into the manual when he had time and find why it wasn’t working. Who knew how long that would take so I went to the internet and looked myself. After many different internet sites, I found that the manual wasn’t going to explain the issue I was having. Turns out, instead of row 10 being the issue, it was row 8. The 25 amp fuse must have blown at some point and the previous owners either didn’t know how to fix or didn’t want to. Same goes with the dealership that bought the car from them…

Nonetheless, I went to my Autozone store to buy the new fuses. I walked in, didn’t ask for help, went straight to where the fuses were. None of the employees bothered me, attempting to try and help. The problem I ran into was at checkout. There was a male in front of me that wasn’t asked any questions, just checked out and left. When I was next, the man had to ask if it was the right amp fuse I needed, then tried to sell me stuff that was on ‘sale’ like towels and fluids. He tried to talk about them like they were extremely important (which I know some were but I didn’t need them). But seriously, why are you asking me? I’m in here for fuses! No, I do not need transmission fluid! I need fuses! Totally different things!

Point of all of this, just because I’m not male doesn’t mean my knowledge of cars is 0. I can list a group of friends I have that are male and know nothing about cars. I love the way cars work. It’s interesting and awesome to see the processes of everything in the engine. Women need to learn how to do stuff without a mans help! Those who already do, props to you! Keep it up! I’m tired of being looked at like I don’t know anything about cars when I do! Knock it off, guys!

Posted in Just Another Day, Ranting

Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly of you, no one would believe it.

(Just a little ranting/pep talk about bullies and 6 year-olds)

Today was my little cousin’s 2nd birthday party. For the record, I still find birthday parties for kids under 5 years old weird/wrong since they literally cannot remember any of it by the time they are in high school.. But nonetheless, I watched her play, doing small flips, which were actually more like rolley-polleys on the trampolines. Her parents own a gymnastics/cheer gym so she’s growing up with these. That’s what this post is about.

Last post was me complaining about how people in college were being bullies and still trying to find ways to make fun of me (for nothing). This one sort-of relates to that and my cousins…

One of my daily routines is to look back on Facebook what I posted years ago on this day. Everyday, I’m reminded of things I’ve done, memories, and stupid things I’ve posted. But today, I made a post and it’s like my 20-year-old self is talking to my 22-year-old self.

Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly of you, no one would believe it.

It relates back to the bully because the things they said, none of my friends even hesitated to tell me they were wrong. They hadn’t seen my outfit or my hair that prior day yet none of my friends even looked like they wanted to agree with the bully.

Today when I went to my cousin’s birthday party, I watched her play, knowing she wouldn’t remember me. I knew her younger sister, a 1-year-old, wouldn’t remember me holding her and playing with her. But her oldest sister, being 6 years old, actually might. I hadn’t seen Chloe in a couple of months and that’s how long the prior visit took as well. So all thoughts went to her not remembering me nor wanting to hang out with me.

Turns out, she went asking both her parents to let her stay with me overnight at our grandma’s house. This cousin, this girl, who I thought wouldn’t remember me, wanted to have a sleepover with me. They say, Children are the greatest judges of character. “Researchers found that, just like adults, children as young as three tend to judge a person’s character traits – such as trustworthiness and competence – simply by looking at their face.”

If a girl, who probably doesn’t understand I’m related to her can trust me enough to want to have a sleepover, then I have to believe I’m a good person. I want to be someone she can look up to, but also let people try to bash me and either not care about it or have others see I’m such a good person that they wouldn’t believe it or want the person talking about me like that. 0088098d6d31ad78ffd71268900f2099

Screw the bullies. Live for yourself. Live for the kids who look up to you, even when you don’t know it; they’re the best judge of character!

Posted in Ranting

Grow up already…

(Ranting ahead… don’t say i didn’t warn ya)

This past weekend was a huge test to my nerves.You’d think when you graduate high school that the drama and pettiness of girls goes away but I guess some just don’t grow out of it… The reason I came to face my old team was that sectionals was this past weekend and I was helping run the tournament on day 2 and 3.

The first day, I walked in to help coach one girl and cheer on another. Both were two girls who hadn’t graduated yet and still on team. Immediately when I walked in, A (that’s what i’ll call her) ran over to B (second girl) and started to make fun of me in any way they could. A started by saying ‘why is she even here?’ then it proceeded to making fun of my new hair cut (which I cut 7 inches off and now have shoulder length hair) and making fun of my outfit i had on…. it was a vest, jeans, and a hat for gods sake!

The last time i saw A and B, they were both talking to me and excited i was even there to watch/work the tournament. Since then, we’ve had no contact so there shouldn’t be any bad blood or anything. Yet here they are, bitching about how I’m simply there to watch (to their knowledge). It’s my home bowling alley. I’m there almost 5 days a week… why wouldn’t I be there.

Plus, there’s the fact that I’m not even in college anymore. They shouldn’t be worried about me. It’s not like I was going to steal their spot on varsity again. The don’t have to compete with me on anything!

The sucky part was the fact that i couldn’t even go to coach to let them know how they are treating alumni. The school is all about alumni and keeping them involved. So they should’ve been happy i was there. I would have gone to coach had it not put the friend who told me what they said under the bus. They would instantly know it was her and de-friend her in every where. Knowing them, they’d go cry to someone and get her kicked off the team.

I can’t wait to see how they’ll do in the real world… I don’t see them doing well…Still, I can’t help but to wish i could punch them right in the face for the bitches they are. Grow up already!

Posted in Dating/Relationships, Ranting

Loneliness hurts: Music tries to help

Am i the only crazy person who will listen to a song over and over? It doesn’t have to just be the lyrics, it could be the beat or the mood of the song… i find myself listening to a song on repeat. I wish it was a happy one but it’s not. It brings back the fighting my family endured today. It bring’s back the fact that I’m lonely and wish to have someone I can go to to tell anything and everything.

People say love hurts and you can’t get away from it. That’s not nearly true. Loneliness hurts. Envy hurts. People mix those up. I suppose those who are in a shitty relationship can say it hurts but honestly, they can just as easily walk away. I just want to be close to someone. To see couples who hold hands and do things together, laugh, enjoy each other; i want that. I want to have those butterflies again. I want to be able to have nerves kick in because I’m about to hang out with someone.

There’s this picture I see everywhere that says “Someone is (or will be) lucky to have you.” Other’s have said “God has a plan for everyone.” I’m tired of all these quotes. What screwed up past life did I have or what shitty ass thing did i do to get this crappy karma? It’s not that complicated. 1 person. There’s billions of people in the world. In my location, there are just shy of 3 MILLION people, all within a half hour circle around me. Yet I can’t meet a decent guy? How in hell is that possible!

My recently favorite picture goes like this.I feel as ignored as : a white crayon, the first piece of bread, internet explorer, and terms of agreement. TRUTH.

Sure I’m afraid of putting myself out there again. The moment I have to trust another person will likely be one of the hardest days of my life because of my past history. But the option to give someone that trust isn’t there.

I really can’t picture anyone having a crush on me. I can’t picture someone thinking about me before they fall asleep. I can’t picture anyone getting butterflies because I said hi to them or even just smiled at them. I can’t picture someone smiling at the computer screen or their cell phones when we’re talking. I mean like… Why would they even do that? I’m just me. Nothing extraordinary or special.

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Music is my friend right now. It’s my best friend when no one else is around. It speaks to me like I wish a physical person would. Back to listening to this song over and over for the rest of the night….

Posted in Just Another Day, Ranting

I hate being afraid…

I really hate being afraid to move around in my own house. I hate the fact that I’m scared to leave my room, especially at night. I hate that I have an alcoholic for a brother and have no idea how to handle it.

Every day, I worry that I’ll pass him and say something to him that will set him off into drinking more. I worry that I’ll do something that will cause a reaction out of him that I’ll regret later.

I used to be afraid he’d drink and drive… until he totaled TWO different cars two different times/days. The feeling of being worried he’s going to crash is gone. I’m numb to that now. Finally he got caught 6 months ago and now has a breathalyzer in the car so he can’t drink and drive. That day he said he’d quit.

A couple of weeks ago, he made a final (final to me because I was done after that) deal with me that tonight would be his last night drinking for four weeks. That deal lasted 3 days…

I hate fighting with my parents about him. It sucks getting to the point of screaming and crying while fighting with my mom about him… that I, of all people, should ‘be more supportive’ of him. Why should I keep hoping that this time he says ‘it’ll be my last’ will actually be the truth when I can’t even count how many times. Why should I believe him this time over the last? How can I be the one in the family who is to blame? HE’S the one who’s supposed to be my older brother. I’m supposed to be able to look up to him and go to him when I need help.

Instead, I lay here, hoping my blanket will provide enough cover that I won’t be targeted this time. He yells at mom and dad, while they try to sleep, demanding one dollar, because that’s all he needs. “This is my last day! Never again!” he claims, shouting more when they claim they don’t have it. He doesn’t believe them, neither do I. I know she has money. Dad even has change. But he continues to yell saying things like “Seriously, are you serious right now!” giving them attitude as if it’s their fault they don’t have money.to give him.

The yelling gets elevated, now mom and dad are yelling back, still trying to stay strong in not giving him money. I know there are only two outcomes of this scenario that’s unfolding on the other side of this wall.

  1. They will give in and give him the money he needs.
  2. He’ll come to me next to get the money and a new fight will begin.

Deep down, I’m hoping they give him the money. I’ve seen this too many times to count. If they say no, he’ll get angry and go downstairs, slamming anything he can. When there is no reaction from that, he’ll come up and say “You’re seriously going to do this right now…” It’s almost word for word when this happens. The fighting will happen more and they’ll give in. If they don’t have money, they come to me for it. If they don’t feel like fighting they’ll give it to him and he’ll go away.

Last time, he came to my room last week and woke me up, asking for money. Problem was, he first attempted to get money from my purse without asking (stealing). After i woke up to the fiddling of the purse, he came to my bed and shined the flashlight in my face asking for money. I told him no repeatedly. He continued to pester for 15 minutes… yes 15 minutes. He, like times before, said this is my last time, i promise… stuff like that. I stayed strong, saying no, but getting ready to yell for my parents. Finally he turned and began to leave, but not without calling me a bitch and ass hole and saying he was better at things and that I was disappointment to my mother along with being the cause of her unhappiness/crying earlier that day. There was more swearing but not necessary to type in here.

Why can’t I have a normal brother? Why does everything that can go wrong happen? I don’t want to have to hide in my room, hoping my blanket will be enough of distraction that he won’t think of me. I just want to be able to go downstairs and get something out of the fridge without worrying he will be there, drunk and try to insult me like always. Or that my temper may get the best of me and I’ll stop biting my tongue and he’ll get upset and his anger management issues will flare up. Broken glass, holes in walls, dents in stainless steel or cracked bones: I’d rather avoid all of these if I can help it.

Wish I could run away from all of this… I still hate being afraid… but it’s the only option at this point.

Posted in Just Another Day, Ranting

Bad day start. Good day finish.

Besides being woken up at 1am by a drunk asking for more alcohol and keeping me up longer than that, my sleep was crappy. So naturally, I woke up being grumpy and still pissed off at my family member (which is a usual in this house).

The day continued to get worse, mostly because of my own thoughts getting more and more angry at little things the family member did/does. You ever get in those moods where basically every little thing just pisses you off more. It could literally be them doing nothing that makes you angrier. This was totally me this morning…74124ecc59f08835b152d10426120c42

I also can’t deny at one point today, I may or may not have cried. Nonetheless, it got better at the end of the day. Blackhawks played and won! I had all of my cats sleeping with me (I think they knew how upset I was and this was their attempt to make me happy.)

Finally, it ended with Girl Scout cookies– Frozen Thin Mints!!! If you have had Thin mints but not tried them frozen, I urge you to do so. I won’t eat them room temp anymore. They just aren’t the same or nearly as good… but only with the Thin Mints or Tagalongs. Either way, chocolate makes everything better!

Another question I ask, is Girl Scouts like a thing outside the USA? Does it exist at all or is it just called differently…cause boy, if other countries don’t have Girl Scouts, I feel bad for you cause you’re missing out on the cookies! Delicious glorious-ness all wrapped up and sold to you by a little girl trying to raise money for some project to do… when I did Girl Scouts years and years back, I sold the highest in my area with 800+ boxes! Can you imagine how hard it was to hand each and every one of those boxes to the people who bought them….. soooooooo many cookies! But yeah, countries that aren’t the USA, are girl scouts or boy scouts a thing?

I’m extremely happy this day is almost over. Although I’m going to hold that grudge against the family member for awhile. To mean people that I don’t like, this picture is for you:

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For everyone else who is also having a bad day, these are for you… They made me laugh at least a little bit. (I put in 10 pictures’s I thought were funny…could also be because it’s nighttime and I just ate a whole roll of thin mints too…) So to anyone who reads this, I hope you manage to have a good day and if not, I hope the pictures make it better like it did for me.

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Posted in Favorite Things, Ranting

Things I love: Elephants

Ranting about elephants… turn back now if you don’t to read about them!

When I get bored, I’ll sit on Pinterest many times. For some reason, I’m just in one of those moods that I want to do something, but I’m too lazy to. I mean, the Blackhawks (Hockey) are on and I’m watching them but still, I’m not like OMG right now (especially since the other team just tied the game).

My brother came upstairs earlier saying he was planning to get this extremely stupid tattoo on the back of his hand… this got me thinking, what about an elephant tattoo. They are my favorite animal. (WOO Blackhawks just tied it back up! Haha sorry but this will likely happen throughout this post).

I did find a couple i like but I’m also too ‘chicken shit’to let that needle repeatedly hit my skin… especially since one day I’ll love something and the next I hate it. I’m a very indecisive person…

So then I did some more looking and found some fun facts about them.

  • They can live to 70 years old.
  • Only mammal that can’t jump.
  • Their BPM is around 27
  • They can smell better than a dog
  • They purr like cats.
  • They cry, play, have memories, and can laugh
  • They spend 16 hours a day EATING
  • They’re afraid of bees and ants. Not mice.
  • They can detect an earthquake before it happens.
  • They have been known to save other animals that need help. And when they need help, they will find humans. (A 30 y.o that was shot by poachers walked to a safari lodge and waited patiently 6 hours till a vet arrived to fix his wounds).

 

Elephants are awesome creatures. One day I hope to see one. They are more like humans than most animals I believe. That’s why they’re my favorite. I think this shall be my next art work i will make… or try to…

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Posted in Favorite Things, Ranting

I want it now!

(Rant ahead…be warned)

If anyone thinks they know me well, then they’ll know that I love ice cream. It is 100% possible that there have been days where it wasn’t just a dessert but rather a breakfast or lunch or even dinner. I love it.

Now, one of my favorite places to get ice cream is Baskin Robins. Depending on where you live, you might have heard of it. Except lately, the one I normally go to has been making me not want to ever go to them again. The list of issues I’ve had (some may be minimal) seem to be never ending.

They pride themselves on being a brand that has 31 different flavors that you can pick from. The location I go to has less then 20. It’s not like it is too small to fit all 31 flavors. There is another located in the mall with literally only a quarter of the space and they have more than 31. If this was my real issue with them, I could just deal with it an pick a different flavor, but it’s not.

When you go to an ice cream shop, no matter what the brand or name, I feel like there is always a specific kind of ice cream flavors normally carried 24/7. Under that small list i would think chocolate chip would be included. (It’s not like it some weird flavor or hard to make or something.)

But….

DING DING DING! This place didn’t have it…

Not the first week I went…

Not the second week I went…

Not the third week I went…

And not even today, the fourth week I went.

It doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s the freaking middle of winter! It’s not like you have a huge rush of baseball players coming in after practice or something! There aren’t any late night-drive under the moon dates since it’s so cold outside! Hell, there aren’t that many crazy people that I even know that actually like ice cream in winter time. (It’s too cold they say… big babies… ice creams good anytime. And I’d still take one of those ice cream dates no matter what it’s like outside!)

I just don’t understand how a big brand name place can’t seem to have enough ice cream int he freezers in the winter time… order the damn chocolate chip already! I want my ice cream…I did my time waiting…

(End of rant as I settle down and drink nasty mint ice cream shake…)

P.S.- I kind of remind myself of Veruca from the movie Charley and the Chocolate Factory  right now…”Give it to me! I want it now!”