Posted in Favorite Things, Just Another Day, Ranting, Work, Workout

Problems I need help solving!

Why is it so easy to get overwhelmed with everything? I mean i know I’m doing it to myself…loading too much on my plate, but still. Today is Monday. In the past week up to today, I’ve been planning out so many things, I can’t even think today. Even this morning when I walked into work, one of my coworkers said “What’s up with you, you’re awfully quiet today!”

Of the list of things I’ve come up with doing:

  1. Donate blood when I get home. (the limit from donation was 5/21)
  2. Pass my final tests to get certified on job (I passed those today!)
  3. Pack on Thursday to go home on Friday.
  4. 9/11 Memorial Stair Climb in September
  5. My vacation with Dee in which we will visit around 5 different states in one week.
  6. Send in my watch to be fixed.
  7. Get my work schedule for when completely done with training.

Now on all of these I have issues that go with them! I suppose that’s what’s so stressful but at the same time, I did it to myself! On 1, It’s a goal in my life to give blood whenever possible. Why not? I’m capable and people need it so yeah! Save a life right? Problem: Where and when to do it when I get back so it won’t interfere with work.

Number 2. So i did pass this morning… Woooouh! But I don’t get my badge till tomorrow morning. Problem: So now I’m stressing (FOR NO GOOD REASON) about being sworn in again… except this time in front of all the coworkers… what if i mess up all the words as he repeats them to me….

Number 3. For some reason, these 8 weeks in the hotels is such a joy i don’t want to leave… boy i wish you guys could hear the sarcasm in my tone right now. Hell no, I cannot wait to go home, even if it’s not home home with my parents. I’m sooooo tired of hotels. You don’t realize how much it actually does suck until you have to live in them with no one else to talk to or nothing to do. Tons of movies repeated and Grey’s Anatomy on repeat… greatttt. Problem: I’m eager to pack now! But also today was told I might not be going home this Friday as they had told me. Now they are realizing they need more hours for different training that starts tomorrow… I could be here another freaking week! KILL ME NOW!

Number 4: I’m so excited for this, i really can’t wait. The Problem is simple on this one: HOW THE HELL DO I GET IN SHAPE FOR 110 FLOORS WORTH OF STAIRS? Anyone… anyone of my fitness followers/readers, ADVICE IS NEEDED AND MORE THAN WELCOME! I have 4 months. Help…

Number 5: PROBLEM: I mean what isn’t stressful about this. Through all the planning of fun, obviously i’m excited but same time, HOLY CRAP. All of you parents who plan vacations for trips with others: PROPS TO YOU! I don’t know how you all stay so calm with everything. Granted, we are going to five different states and flying separately to meet up at our first state, so we knew it wouldn’t be easy. And crap does everything add up for $$$. We’re doing cheap route and it’s still hella expensive! Any advice from travelers to save money?

Number 6: I’ve had this Fitbit Surge for 2 years now. Wear it every single day and monitor everything. The only time I take it off is to shower or swim. It has decided to break. The screws ripped right through the rubber bands and the piece that holds the excess band down has also snapped. I finally got around to putting the claim in for it to be fixed and now have to send it in. I have no box since I’m not home and as soon as I’m home it needs to be sent. Problem: I’m not sure i have a box at home either. I don’t want to get a big box from the store so kinda at a dilemma and trying to save money… UGH

Number 7: So I did actually receive my work schedule today… The hours are fine. I can work afternoon/night. No big deal. I’m a 20s year old that doesn’t mind the weird hours. I mean I am working 4am shift right now… PROBLEM: Boy am I mad and upset at what they gave me for days off. How am I the one who ends up with split days off. Sundays and Tuesdays… what is that about?! None of my current coworkers have heard of that and I get it… it’s to the works needs that need to be filled. And not to mention it’ll likely be changed within a couple months too. Either way, as if I didn’t already not have a life from work, now I can’t even go out or go home to visit since i don’t have 2 days in a row. See you never mom and dad…. UGHHHHHHHHHH

Posted in Favorite Things, Just Another Day, Work, Workout

Back at the training base!


It’s come to my attention that the last string of posts has been either upsetting or negative or just unhappy. But that’s just not the case! It’s been pretty great actually. Back on May 25th, I made a post.

“Now I’m on my second week…. As of today, this is what has happened.

New friends: 0

Coworkers who’s name’s I can’t remember: 14 out of 15.

Workouts I’ve done: 2 (should be 12)”

I’m happy to announce this has drastically changed. As part of training, we are sent to a (secret) base down in one of the southern and very warm states! Boy was it a drastic change for me too! I jumped on the plane at 9am, which was the first time I’ve flown alone, and it was snowing. After jumping on my connecting flight and landing in the southern state, it was 80’s and HUMID! A group of us was stuffed into a bus in which our awkwardness seemed to connect us as friends.

New Friends: 4

Drive. Drive Drive. Seemed like forever after waiting 3 hours in the airport for the bus then driving for over an hour with a seemingly psychotic driver. When arriving at base, everyone’s searched for ID’s and any weapons have to be turned in. All of us clung to each other… still is awkwardness and confusion.

Finally 10pm, i get to my room. Roommate MIA but stuff sitting right there… to look at name tag on bag or not…. you’ll never know! =) She returned to the room later and we instantly bonded. She was part of the Jersey crew.

New Friends: 5

Class was insanely hard to wake up for. I think it was like 530am I got woken up by just so i could tag along to breakfast and not be a loner in the corner… sucks being the only one from your state at base… it’s like high school to be honest. The agents stick to their agencies and the states stick to their own groups. Welcome to the cool group, the nice group, geeky group, etc. etc. etc. (I won’t say which Jersey was…)


Walking into that class was more awkward than poly school. Everyone is watching each other, assessing everyone it seemed. I know I was. To my happiness, i noticed quite a few who seemed nervous and shy. The teachers seemed strict at first but then opened up. I swear it was like death by powerpoint. There had to be 200 pages in that horrid binder. I can’t count how many times my head was nodding off. Standing was a good solution, but hard when you sat in the middle of the room because then it was back to the awkwardness. You stand up, everyone watches. You fall asleep, everyone watches. It’s a lose lose there. The times we we’re out of classroom were the best but that is knowledge I can’t post about on here.


I made friends with a girl from my state back in original training. She met me up there and I made friends with D, K, and R.

New Friends: 8

Dee (As i shall call her on here) became like a sister. We agreed on almost everything. Many times I’d text her when my class got out (since they always got out early….) and ask if there was anything good for lunch. 9 out of 10, we’d agree that it was crap or really good. (Mostly it wasn’t that great). Both of us were bitchy in the morning because we both hate mornings. Like no sir, you can’t talk to me right now. I don’t care if you’re angry because we sat at your table. Go away. Now. Hmm what else. OH we both love to workout…except she was miss gimpy over there with her robo arm from dislocating her elbow! (Yea Dee, I called you gimpy!)

Two days there, 1 while 80s other while it was 90s, we decided to go for a run to explore campus. Boy, we were dying. Swallowing bugs left and right, getting stung, dripping sweat, being followed by base police, getting lost on base, being stared at by EVERY passing car, getting cheered on by other agents (Best part) and the horrible chaffing… all while running 3.5 and 3.70 miles!

What most people did know was that we were ALWAYS watching. “3-umm 7 or 8” we’d say or. “12- 1/0″… we can admit it now… it was us watching and telling where people were to look at. I’m sure you can figure out the 7 or 8 meaning. I’ll leave the 1 or 0 a mystery =)

We also came up for nicknames for people. Rico, Dylan, Frank, were some of the people. Just typing those three, i have to stop because i’m laughing at them. We literally talked about people right in front of their faces and they had no idea! (It wasn’t bad things, least not for Rico or Dylan.) Hey Dee, Ricccccooooooooo! lol


Of the adventures we had there were many unrelated to class. Pool– it was like a nightly occurrence. We went almost every night…. every single night. Cold water sucked but throwing the football and watching the guy’s jaws drop was amusing… yes we are girls. Yes we can throw better than you. Suck it! Or just the fact that our group was basically the ONLY ones who actually had on swimming suits and got in the water. Most of the time, the other groups would hang out around the pool and just watch, drink, and play music and cards or cook food. On Sunday, I spent 1230-10 in the pool. As you guys don’t know what i work for you won’t understand this but for those who do and for my memory when i look back, I had 2 people ask if I was CBP and another who thought I was USSS. To me, those are all compliments that i put off the appearance of one finally.


In my class there was also the Texas crew. They also could be categorized into a group like jersey but i’ll leave that for them to try to figure out. They invited Dee, K, and I to go bowling. You guys already know how I’m a bowler… for me to go bowling without equipment, i was a mess. The shoes didn’t slide, i didn’t have a ball that fit, and one specific person was buying me TOO many drinks (Yes I just said that and you know you did! But still thank you!) It was probably one of the most fun nights I had there. There was no drama. There was a ton of laughing. My score didn’t reach above 100 either time. And we ended up seeing one of the instructors there who gave us a lesson. Then, drunk me decided to tell him how i didn’t like 1/3 instructors because he was “mean” and “not nice…” I didn’t get in trouble. I think he knew i was drunk. I’m told my friends were saying quietly that it was time for Nikki to stop talking and purposely distracting me from him. Not all memories of that night remain but it was amazing.

New Friends: 16


Not many showed but we killed it. We had some second week-ers play against us. most of the games were guys against girls, except one of the instructors joined our team to make it even. As i said to them, none of them were going to be able to hit me and they didn’t. At one point, it was just me left and i hate catching but I can whip that dodgeball. Three against one. they all had balls and I only held one. All at once, they threw at me. Somehow i ducked the first one and spun in a circle putting myself in the foot of space between the other two balls. Neither hit me and slammed against the back wall. We ended being Dodgeball Champs at the base!

New friends: 20


We went to one island and one big town. If i list the names, you know the state we were stationed in. The big town i will forever remember as the town i hate since i lost my phone there… stupid stealing people. The island was great but cold and windy. MORE DRINKS! Skipping down the street arm in arm with Dee, buzzed/drunk. Running to reach the bus that wasn’t even at the stop yet. Buying more alcohol for base… =) mmmm good times.

Our Final Day

I’m sure i’ve skipped some adventures. Like going to target and getting lost from the rest of the group and taunting the security to make them follow us. But the last day, wow…. the finals were insanely hard (or so we thought). Only one person felt confident after the first part of the test. I wanted to sit there and cry knowing i’d have to wait till the end of the day to know. Second part was easy-peasy. Only got 1 wrong on that. To give us our pass/fail grades, we waited in line. Alphabetical order, they called us in to give the scores. Hot, nauseous, anxious, wanting to make a run for it– all of this was wrapped up in me and many others. I was 20th in line so it was a long wait. By this time, Dee and K had already walked over to tell me they had passed and tried to give support. Finally they called me in.

It was quiet. They all just stood there smiling at me. Tell me dammit! I was screaming in my head. Then our active shooter stepped forward saying “Look here, it’s my shinning drill star!” which made me more embarrassed and anxious. Barbara smiled next while handing me my diploma along with Charles and Joe. They laughed when I told them how we all hated them for making us wait nervously outside. I PASSED!

Obstacle course:

Part of making friends with the Texas crew, we made a bet that lowest score had to do the obstacle course. This course was not made for our agency. It was walls to jump, monkey bars, pull-up bars, ladders to climb, long jump, crawl under ropes, over ropes, balance beam, zigzag point, boat anchor chains to pull (heavy as shit!) and tires to flip. Naturally, everyone who was part of the bet was male, besides me, then Dee joined in after the bet. Also naturally, instead of low score, we ALL did it, some parts multiple times. Dee and I are smaller and probably weaker so we took a little extra time to do it. But hey i mean, if i’m not mistaken one of the Texas crew is ex military so he can like go do it twice before we finish once. Nonetheless, we all finished: with bruises, blisters, sprained ankle, and tire burn.


Well not quite… you see, our moto is team before me. 1 person in our class didn’t pass on the first try. I’ll never forget his face. He was crying and ashamed he had failed. He tried to hide while everyone cheered when they saw another person come out holding the diploma. Later i got the chance to speak to him and get his sights back up. Also managed to convince him to come out to the pool that night which was where the party was! Swimming, drinking, people everywhere. Somehow managed to get one of the Texas crew in the water… big baby was cold the whole time! Yes, I called you a baby! Haha. But it was very fun. Better bet that next time we’re in the pool together again, you’re getting pushed in and then dunked! I will win!

The party led out of the pool since it was 10 and police kick us out. There was playing of cards in the rooms, quietly, so we wouldn’t get busted. Napping for an hour or two. Being woken up by Dee climbing into my bed the middle of that and freaking the crap out of me. I will miss that place but i will miss the people i met there more.

All in all, i managed to make over 30 friends at this school, and not all from the same agency. Friends forever hopefully and good contacts made. I’d say we all came out stronger and ready for work! Dee, you and I actually got physically stronger i think! haha

I WILL go back someday for more training!

Posted in Just Another Day, Work

I kinda really want chocolate…

It has to be impossible for me to be the only one out there who get’s ‘those days’ where everything just decides to pop into your head and make you think negatively about it… Today is totally one of those days. I finished work shift a couple hours ago already and those who have read previous posts know that I’m not a morning person. Well, guess what, the shift they have me on now is from 415am-1245… yeah, i think that sucks too.

That’s probably not helping my mood much. Now before you say ‘go take a nap’, i already did and no it did not help. I guess the problem is mostly doubt. As previously mentioned, I got hired into a federal job. I work for a division of Homeland Security (DHS) and have just finished training at base. Currently, I’m doing MORE training at another location. I’ve been living out of hotels for 7 weeks. I haven’t seen my mom in longer. i miss home. i miss real food. I miss having friends around to talk to and hang out with. In total, it basically sucks.

I just finished dinner and am laying here thinking of everything I wish to sometime do in my life. I don’t intend to stay with DHS the rest of my life but instead move to another agency. But right now, I’m doubting everything. Blame it on hell week or lack of sleep, or whatever; either way it sucks! The idea of me not being able to do a dream job is horrible. Will i be good enough? Would i pass the classes? Could I live 12 hours (drive) away from my parents when even now only after so many weeks i already miss them? What happens if i don’t pass classes? Or if i don’t even get past the initial phases of testing? Should the dream job not work out, i’m not sure what i would do…

Right now, besides being downer on EVERYTHING, i also realllllly want chocolate. Don’t ask me why cause i don’t understand it… Is that worth leaving the hotel room and driving to the store to get? Not like i have anything better to do other than watch Grey’s Anatomy or Madam Secretary….

Decisions Decisions…..

(P.s.- to those who are upset with the grammar and lack of capitalization, go eat some chocolate!)

Posted in Just Another Day, Work

Second week in new home…

Last Monday was my first day of work. I stayed in a hotel for two nights so i got to experience that on my own. It wasn’t as bad as i thought but I sure as hell can’t deny I didn’t bawl my eyes out driving there. Saying by to my family was the hardest part but such is life… right?


Now I’m on my second week…. As of today, this is what has happened.

New friends: 0

Coworkers who’s name’s I can’t remember: 14 out of 15.

Workouts I’ve done: 2 (should be 12)


I’m off to a great start right? I mean the perks to living here is grandma’s home cooking. But other than that, all of my cousins are out of town. I have made 0 friends here. I feel so alone.

It doesn’t help that I’m watching (one of my favorite) movies that’s fueling the sadness: Safe Haven. I just wish I had someone to hang with. It doesn’t even have to be someone that means more than a friend. Just a friend to talk to or hang out with would be appreciated. For now, I guess i’ll stick with my movies and stuffed puppy….because things have to change… they will change… right?

Posted in Just Another Day, Work

Last night…

It’s the very last night I will spend in my own bed for the foreseeable future… At least a minimum of two months will be spent doing training jumping all over Wisconsin and at one point flying out to a southern state. After that, it’ll be 2 years of probationary time for the job.

At this point i still have no idea what my shifts will be like or when I’ll have time off. Hell, I’ll probably be working on my golden birthday this year! But I keep reminding myself: I’m 22, I don’t have a boyfriend or husband or kids, there is no one expecting me to do crap with them. I can pick up as many shifts possible and not worrying about being home to late! The life of money…

Anyway, this is the last night… The day was spent doing my final workout with my workout buddy, eating dinner with my parents, and having lunch with my brother at Dave and Busters… If you don’t know what that is, find one near you or on vacation and go to it, they’re awesome and we now have 11,000 tickets! The rest of the day was spent trying to pack…which I said before and I’ll say it again, PACKING SUCKS!

How do you pack your whole life away into a trunk! All of it has be in the trunk since the first two days will be spent in a hotel and I most definitely don’t want someone attempting to break into my car. I have a suitcase and a small container full of random knickknacks…

The other sucky part is leaving. I’ve said bye to my friends already but it doesn’t feel real yet. Every once and awhile I feel like crying because I know everything is changing and about to flip around completely. The thought of not seeing my mother everyday is heart breaking. Sure, i can call her everyday but we all know that’s not the same. The same goes with my baby cat! I love him so much and the more I watch him walk around my room knowing that I’m leaving, the more I know I’ll miss him so much.

Grandma has two dogs (that aren’t really hers but rather my cousins) and they’re tiny little Pomeranians (I think). They’re small fluff balls that never stop barking or shut up! One single move like standing up and they’re off! Bark away! I’m sure they’ll get used to me but until then, I think I might be spending more time at my cousin’s house to play with their kitties. Again, it’s still not the same…

Is it wrong to be nervous and scared about this big jump. I can’t lie; part of me wishes it didn’t happen, that I didn’t get the job… but deep down, I’m happy about the job. I’m happy to start my career and life. If it didn’t happen this year, it’d happen the next. Sooner or later I’d end up having to move out and leave mom and dad. Plus, I think (and hope) this kick starts my brother into beginning his life. He talks like it has but who knows, he talks a lot…

In 24 hours, I’ll be in a hotel room, all alone… for the first time… proud thing is, I’m experiencing this before my mother ever did. She was in her 40’s when she stayed in a hotel room alone…

New experiences are scary…

Posted in Just Another Day, Work

Moving is Challenging!

So now that I got the job and am moving ‘up-nort’ (catch the joke haha Wisconsin accent…) I have be given the challenge of somehow moving my things there with me. The HUGE problem is 1- I drive a Pontiac Grand Prix meaning it’s not exactly a huge truck with plenty of space, and 2- Sunday and Monday night the car will be parked in a hotel room and the rest of the time in a public place while i work so it’s not like all of it can be in the back seat.

So how do i do this? What exactly do I pack…

  • Clothing (obviously)
  • Bahtroom things
  • My shoes– both workout and walking shoes
  • Pillow and Buttercup… yes I am a 22 year old that sleeps with my stuffed animal. Get over it and don’t judge me! I’ve had it for 18 years!
  • Maybe my big blanket?
  • Computer stuff

Now I know I’ve got to be forgetting some important things but beyond this tiny list, I really can’t think of it. I’m just so overwhelmed by all the paperwork due before/after/during a small time period. UGHHH!!! Oh another thing to the list!!!

  • bowls

Because then I can have my cheerios for breakfast no matter where I am! Can I maybe pack my kitty too? Is that accepted?

So if anyone has any important things that I’m forgetting or maybe suggested, let me know! I leave in 13 days and now is the time to make the list… right?


Posted in Work

I got the job!

As I mentioned in previous posts, back in November I applied for a job I thought I didn’t have a chance to get. I went through rigorous tests processes to be put on a “ready pool” list for the job. After reading forums, I found you can wait a week or it could be a whole year later. It’s all based on their needs.

On Thursday, while I was working for a local bowling association group, I received a call. I officially got the job! After waiting on the list since Feb 25th, I finally got the call. There was one frustrating point in all of this though. The woman who called had claimed she had called back in February… I never got that call. Whatever, least she called again!

So now is the hard part, yes i accepted the job. I now how just over 2 weeks till I move and begin orientation. From there I go to all sorts of different training… all over the state and out of it.

All of this, I’ll be on my own. It’s rather intimidating to look at. I mean, yeah, I went to college without my parents but I had friends there PLUS I wasn’t staying in Hotel rooms in a foreign town. It’ll be just me, all alone, in a hotel room, waiting for work… A new experience for me for sure.

Is it hard to do things without parents? Like my mom has done everything with me and now I’m not entirely sure when I’ll even see her after the 16th… I suppose I’m even going to miss my kitty… The good thing about this move is that I’ll be living in my grandma’s house. Least I’ll know people when I move there…

This is all contingent on me passing my classes…. fingers crossed.

(No I’m not going to be a police officer. Just thought this was funny.)


Posted in Work

Work Stress

I find it extremely funny (kind of) that I’m stressed about work when I don’t even have a job… But that’s what is making it so stressful. See the job I mentioned earlier was the one I wanted… and still do. However, I’m on what I refer to as the wait list. I’ve passed all their tests and qualifications and now I’m put on a list.

I’m not sure if that list refers to me being #4 or 5 and the pull people who are first and work from there. Or it could be them waiting until availability for their training in Georgia opens up. Either way, from the forums that I have read thousands of posts on, people go from waiting a couple weeks to months… and some people may never get an offer (which I think is ridiculous… I mean, don’t let someone think they have a chance if there never is one…)

So the new challenge is whether to apply for a job in the meantime. I am literally one click away from setting up a interview with UPS. Obviously, it’d only be a temporary job until the other sends an offer to me. But I’m torn with that. Say I hit that button and tomorrow I get the job offer… Or what happens if I’m in the middle of the training for UPS and get the offer. I just feel crappy for saying ‘I quit because I got a better offer.’ My mom says that’s life and people understand and you need to think about yourself first. It still sucks though! I’d like to think I’m a nice person an by quitting I wouldn’t be…

The problem is that I need a job… like now. Money fuels everything I guess…what do I do… ugh…

Posted in Work

Is it Wrong to be Nervous?

Sometime this week or next, I expect to be able to start the next stage in life: getting a job after college. I won’t say exactly what the job is on here, but I can give details about it. A couple months back, I applied for this job thinking they would never give me, out of all the thousands of people who apply for this job throughout the year, a second look. Boy was I wrong.

One week after applying I made it to the next step. I was almost fast-tracked through the process, which was long and tiring. There were tests, interviews, security checks, background investigations, and more. Finally, as of last week, I made it to the last step where they extend an offer. I expect this will happen sometime this or next week but now, the nerves are hitting.

Say they do extend an offer (which being paranoid me, i still doubt they might), that means that I have training down in Georgia, then I get transferred/moved to Wisconsin… Moving to Wisconsin away from my parents is one thing but having to go to Georgia and live in their training camp, is a whole different story! I know absolutely

Here’s the negatives that make me nervous: .I know absolutely no one in Georgia nor at the training center. I’ll be completely alone in all of this there. Plus it’s like going to school all over again… You basically live in a dorm room where there is actually a time in the day that they set out to be called Quiet Time.– I’m sorry, are we not adults now? Do we not know that later hours you should be quiet because people are trying to sleep? Like who made these rules?  Finally, I worry about failing the training. If I do, then this will all have been for nothing. My parents will be disappointed. My family, friends, everyone I know will all look at me like a failure and I’ve never had that before…what’s it like?

Now the positives of it! I’ll finally be on my own! No parents to ask me where I’m going when a spur of the moment idea like going to the store to buy ice cream at 1am happens. (Believe me, that has happened. I love ice cream. It loves me.) I won’t have to listen to them fight with my older brother for lack of interest in getting a job– also won’t have to see him get money from them at any moment he pleases, which is extremely frustrating for me to watch. The biggest pro i think is I might actually meet someone (either there in Georgia or when I move to Wisconsin)! Won’t get into it much but I can’t possibly tell you how much I long for someone… Wouldn’t that be cool though, to meet someone you’ll fall in love with and get a job at the same time! (I know it won’t likely happen and that’s part of a downfall too but I can keep hopes high. And even if I did meet someone, he’d likely be stationed somewhere else and not anywhere close to Wisconsin…). The last pro, I’d actually enjoy doing the job– I think. Many people tell me I won’t, but I think they’re wrong!

So what do you think? Is it wrong for me to sit here and be so nervous my stomach is turning slightly… I mean, they haven’t even extended an offer yet, but still. Ugh, the more I think about it, the more I get excited AND nervous. Let’s see if I can follow this… “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are,” -E.E. Cummings